Tony At 10: THE PROBLEM CHILD; BLOG # 2353; FRI JUN 03, 2022

THE COMEBACK:

You need to calm down!

Accept that I am right!

Telling me that is like stabbing someone and expecting her to not bleed.

THE MESSAGE:

It goes without saying that many children are brought into the world under trying and unfortunate realities. Many of them have legitimate reasons to develop characteristics that society won’t or can’t accept. This blog presents a story that is emotional and appears to have more than one developmental problem. It makes sense that the recent school shooting in Uvalde, Texas was a direct result of Borderline Personality Disorder. Did the shooter see himself as unacceptable, unwanted, unappreciated or unvalued. Did he believe that he was about to suffer greatly? Is it a coincident that most of the recent shootings in the USA are carried out by perps under the age of 19?

TONY TODAY:

THE 'SAD' STORY:

I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL

I was extremely sheltered by my parents growing up, most especially by my mother and a restricted and stifled home environment. At the age of 6 I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. My social isolation and severe bullying, at school and home, dominated my existence. I felt alienated wherever I went and began acting out and constantly rebelling. The majority of the attention I received seemed negative to me; therefore, I learned to welcome it. I sought out unproductive and unfavourable interactions, connections, and situations that others shunned.

Both my sister and I are adopted and come from from different biological parents. My birth mother was an addict and she was a user throughout the duration of the pregnancy. As a result I was born addicted and confined for weeks in the hospital detoxing and getting healthy. I grew up with an addicted mother which gave me the feeling that a piece of me was missing. I truly believe this was the cause of my deep abandonment fears. Early on, there was a belief that took hold over me that I was defective. Something was inherently wrong with me. I wasn't acceptable just as I was. The belief of being undeserving of anything good slowly developed from there, until it pretty much controlled everything that I did. My sister was clearly the favoured and pampered one in our family.

I was institutionalized at one of the state hospitals when I was 12 and unfortunately caught the attention and infatuation of a very disturbed boy. He was 15, and was put in the ward with my age group for his own protection. Not only was my privacy severely violated by this boy, but he also repeatedly molested me. He broke into my room, stole my belongings, and defiled them with his semen. I felt incredibly unsafe, and found the ward staff totally useless. I recall him spending almost as much time strapped to the bed on suicide watch as he did tormenting me.

I had a very turbulent youth, and the turbulence continued well into adulthood. Fortunately, I have made significant headway on my journey towards emotional recovery. Between finding spirituality, and embarking on a quest of deep and intense self-work, I've come such a long way. Many of my old triggers no longer have the same degree of power, and I am the most stable that I've ever been in my life. I am slowly repairing my relationships with my parents and my sister as well. I am healing. Recovery is definitely not outside my realm of possibility!

THE MUSIC:

Linda Ronstadt - "I Can't Help It If I'm Still In Love With You"

THE STUFF:

I HAD TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT HE WOULD NEVER APOLOGIZE SINCE HE WAS CONVINCED THAT HE WAS ALWAYS RIGHT. HIS TWISTED MIND WOULD CONVINCE HIM THAT THIS WOULD NEVER CHANGE.

THE PUN:

HOW MUCH DID THE PIRATE PAY TO GET HIS EARS PIERCED? A BUCCANEER.