Tuesday, January 21, 2014

TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS; BLOG118; FEB 14,2014




THE MESSAGE:

Many people are pre-occupied with the passage of time. For me time is wealth. I treasure it but am determined to not dwell on its passing. I am proud of being old and happy with my life at present. I worked hard to get here and will not allow myself to wallow in memories of the 'good old days' or thoughts of what used to be and might have been.


REFLECTIONS



AS TIME GOES BY
Rod Stewart and Queen Latifa 

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.......

It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die.
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.
Oh yes, the world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.
















ON OLD AGE
There was an article in the NYT that shed some light on the fact that some old people have needs that are simple but vital to their existence. It was centred on the fact that these folks have no families or partners. They find huge comfort in being able to sit in a comfortable public place with a vibrant ambience for the price of a cup of coffee. 


Some city dwellers and shop owners argue that, "These people ruin everything." Others choose to allow them to stay and try to accommodate their presence as much as possible. In one urban area, a dispute was resolved by having them leave the establishment during peek business times. In other cities there are establishments, other than institutions, that allow for these old geezers to gather and enjoy the 'buzz' of the day. What price are the fusspots asked to pay so that loneliness can be somewhat assuaged and these people can have the feeling of belonging somewhere? 


WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?


ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

With all due respect to Dr Seuss I present the following parody. It is intended to provide a chuckle for those who find it difficult to tolerate old-timers and aging.




WARNING:


SENIOR CITIZENS ARE CANADA'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS.





HEARING AIDS
VISUAL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MONETARY AIDS TO KIDS

Let 'er rip Fred! If the ride don't kill us; those Aids will


GRANDPA

He used to quip to his friends, no humour intended of course, "At my age I look forward to either a semi-annual or an annual semi." 





NOW THAT'S BETTER!



GRANDMA



One day, my Grandmother found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, and realizing the dog was aging as rapidly as herself, she took it to the veterinarian.

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell Grandma that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Granny went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. T
he pharmacist cautioned her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." 

Grandma said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Grandma replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." 


The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."



ARF!

OLD AUNT BERTHA used to say

IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.



BERTHA STILL LOVES TO DRIVE

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She wrote this:

Dear Niece Carol,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker . I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by fervent prayer meeting.

Anyway, I bought the sticker and put it on my car's bumper.
Driving home I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection. I was just lost in 
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.


It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he had not
honked; I'd never have noticed that the light was green. I discovered that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'



What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my car window  waving and smiling at all those loving people.



I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I thought it stood for 'One True God' and  considered a second bumper sticker for the front.



I had never seen the wave before so I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what he thought that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.



Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out of the

window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!



A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment

that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.  They even included some men in uniforms.
How exciting! I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. 



So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and carefully drove through the intersection noticing that I was the only car that made it through before the light changed again. I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.



So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all

the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.  Praise

the Lord for such wonderful folks!!




Will write again soon,

Love, Aunt Bertha.


OLD UNCLE MORTY

YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.






THE ROAD TRIP



While on a road trip, Bertha and Morty stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. 



When leaving, Bertha unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. To add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.



All the way back, Morty became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded Bertha relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.



To Bertha's relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As she got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, Marty, the old geezer yelled to her,



Bertha! While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.

SENIOR'S CHEER




WHAT DID THESE GUYS FORGET?



HELMETS

My Mom used to say,

"NON PARLARE QUANDO LA BOCCA È PIENA" 
 (LITERALLY: DON'T TALK WHEN YOUR MOUTH IS FULL.) 
(I TOOK THAT TO MEAN 'KEEP QUIET YOUR FATHER'S IN A BAD MOOD')

THE QUESTION: 
Do you think you have become angrier as you've aged and that life has become more difficult?

THE QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”-Robert Frost


LAURELS TO:  





BRUCE DERN 

for his portrayal of 'Woody Grant' in the film "Nebraska"




THE CLIP OF THE WEEK:

Don't try this at home




                                                             

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