THE MESSAGE:
There must be a careful balance in giving our children a sense of worth and self-confidence. Overprotection, making excuses for them and false praise can lead to the development of unrealistic self-awareness and psychological damage. Every parent needs to be aware of the issue and develop a sound approach to dealing with self-confidence in their children.
But God Protect The Children,
Wherever they may be,
Protect them from the raging storm,
And from the angry sea.........
The Hank Fellows New American Collection
SOME CASES TO CONSIDER:
At one Elementary school in Ontario, teachers and administrators noticed that children would frequently return from a classmate’s weekend bar mitzvah or birthday party with commemorative T-shirts that advertised a party to which many fellow students hadn’t been invited.
So administrators, in a letter to parents,moved to ban the clothing. The letter stated “while the students wearing the labeled clothing are all chatting excitedly,” other 'uninvited students' lower their heads and try not to notice.”
Many parents favoured the ban as protection against disappointment. Some did not, noting that life would soon enough deal the kids much worse blows along these lines. Some mothers were suddenly learning that their child wasn’t as popular as they thought they were.
Then there’s the outcry from some adults who assert that kids aren’t enjoying school as much; feel a level of stress that they shouldn’t have to; are being judged too narrowly; and doubt their own mettle.
The questions arise: Aren’t aspects of school supposed to be relatively mirthless? Isn’t stress an acceptable byproduct of reaching higher and digging deeper? Aren’t certain fixed judgments inevitable? And isn’t mettle established through hard work?
One opinion, given by a father commenting on his 8-year-old son, was “He may not be the most book-smart kid but he is extremely bright.” With the new methods of instruction, however, too many kids are “being made to feel dumb.” There is “no room for imagination or play. All the kids are stressed out.”
A SOCIAL WORKER
Claims that she’d been receiving calls and referrals regarding school students who are on the psychological skids. “The kids were saying they felt ‘stupid’ and school was ‘too hard. They were throwing tantrums, begging to stay home and upset even to the point of vomiting.” Additional cases included insomnia, suicidal thoughts and self-mutilation, she said.Another worker remarked “If that’s not child abuse, I don’t know what is,”
AN IMPORTANT CONSIDERATION
If children are unraveling to this extent, it’s a grave problem. But before we dismiss potentially crucial education reforms, we need to ask ourselves how much panic is trickling down to kids from their parents and whether we’re paying the price of having protected kids from blows to their egos and from the realization that not everyone’s a winner in every activity on every day. Many kids at all grade levels are Bubble-Wrapped in a culture that praises effort nearly as much as it does accomplishment.
IT IS NOT ONLY AN ISSUE IN SCHOOLS
There are sports teams and leagues in which no kid is allowed too much playing time more than another. Excessive victory margins are outlawed. Losing is looked upon as pure trauma, to be doled out gingerly. After one Texas high school football team beat another last month by a lopsided score of 91-0, the parent of a losing player filed a formal complaint of bullying against the winning team’s coach. Some hockey associations run house league teams along with rep teams to play other association teams. In order to play on a rep team, a player must also play in the house league. Is this too much emphasis on one sport for young kids? Does it unnecessarily occupy too much of their time?
It used to be that trophies went to victors; now, in many leagues, they go to everybody — for participation. Some teams no longer have one or two captains, elected by the other players, but a rotating cast, so that nobody’s left out. One of my grandsons received a trophy for finishing second at a Lake Placid Hockey Tournament. On the trip home he took it apart and discarded it as an unwanted and unnecessary recognition.
THE CAVIAT
False praise itself can, according to some experts, lessen motivation and set children up to be demoralized when they invariably fail at something.
QUESTION:
Are there too many parents living vicariously through their children?
QUOTE FOR THE WEEK:
"I never thought of losing, but now that it' s happened, the only thing is to do it right. That's my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life."-Muhammed Ali
LEMONS TO:
The doting hockey dad who thinks his son will play in the NHL.
LEMONS TO:
The doting hockey dad who thinks his son will play in the NHL.
CLIP OF THE WEEK:
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