Tony At 10: RETIREMENT; BLOG # 2080; APRIL 14,2017

THE MESSAGE:

Retirement is a time in one's life that can be a very difficult concept on which to dwell. Some people are faced with the awful dilemma of leaving a job that they dislike while wondering whether or not they can afford to leave early. Many Canadians have had to re-evaluate their early retirement plans after watching their portfolios plunge in value over the past couple of years. It goes without saying that thorough planning for retirement must be done and must include the assistance of expert advice, reliable investments and the participation of a responsible employer.

THE LIGHTER SIDE

THE BLURB:

When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference. - Virginia Graham
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. - George Foreman
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring. - Milton Berle
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons

The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.- Author Unknown
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R.C. Sherriff
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. - Gene Perret
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. - Scott Elledge
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AN URBAN MYTH

At England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot with space for 150 cars and 8 buses. Over a 25 year period, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.

One day, after 25 years without missing a day of work, he just didn't show up. The zoo management called the city council and requested another parking attendant. The council replied that the parking lot was the responsibility of Bristol Zoo. The Zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. The council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the Mediterranean Coast, is a man who had apparently taken the initiative of installing a ticket booth completely on his own. He showed up each day, collecting and pocketing the parking fees. It is estimated to have earned the man just over $7 million dollars! You guessed it today he remains nameless.

A RURAL MYTH

Myra Rhodes, a retired shop clerk and little old lady living in Argyle, Ontario, answered a knock on her door and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

"Go away!" said Myra brusquely, "I haven't got any money." and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty," he commanded. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." With that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

Myra turned back towards the kitchen smiling.

"Where are you going ma'am?"

Myra said, "Well let me call the neighbours and get you a spoon, young man because Hydro One just cut off my electricity this morning."

NASTY THOUGHTS BY THOSE LEFT BEHIND

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.
This man has delusions of adequacy.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; but she only gargles.
When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

THE QUESTION: