Tony At 10: TONY'S RULES; BLOG # 151; OCT 3, 2014

THE MESSAGE:

RULE #1: THE RULE OF CORDS AND ITS COROLLARIES

“PLACE ANY 2 OR MORE CORDS IN CLOSE PROXIMITY AND ANY 2 OR MORE WILL TANGLE HOPELESSLY.”

THIS RESULTS IN A CONFUSING JUMBLE THAT WREAKS HAVOC ON THE UNSUSPECTING HOME OWNER OR HANDYMAN

CORD ATTRACTION:

Plugging a cord into an electric socket gets it all excited.

Cords are bisexual. They have a female end and a male end

Plugging the male end into the female end makes for easy storage and gives the cord a warm, fuzzy. This does not constitute masturbation.

Some say,"When 2 cords tangle they are having consensual sex."

CORDS AND RELIGION

Tangled cords are sent by the Devil to tempt us.

In the event of entanglement it is a sin to take God’s name in vain.

Whenever more than 2 cords are involved it is sinful.

When it requires more than two hands to disentangle cords, no more than three ‘F BOMBS’ are permitted.

CORDS, EQUALITY AND SHARING

All colours of cords have equal rights and no cord shall carry more juice than any other unless they are plugged into a higher energy source.

Some cords may be longer and thicker than others, it is forbidden to borrow a neighbour’s power source without permission.

RULE #2: WHEN IN DOUBT OF PROPER SPELLING AND GRAMMAR USAGE, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY INCORRECT.

VERB TENSES HAS TO AGREE WITH THE SUBJECT.

Wait a second; what did he say?

THE PLURAL OF YOU IS NOT YOUS!

Did someone say Ewes?

I GO SHOPPING THAN I WENT HOME. I'LL CALL SOONER THEN LATER.

Wait a minute! Doesn't that mean he:

a) prefers shopping to going home

b) will call twice?

I SEEN A GREAT WHITE SHARK AT THE BEECH

Did you saw him eating some nut?

STAY WHERE YER AT TILL I GETS WHERE YER TO.

Eough said!

HE ATE A APPLE AND SHE ATE AN PAIR.

What did a ape eat....b an an a

NEVER USE A PREPOSITION TO END A SENTENCE WITH.

DON'T USE NO DOUBLE NEGATIVES

I TAKE LESSONS TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE AND TALK GOOD.

HE WENT TOO THE SHOW AND SHE WENT TWO. THEY NEEDED TO TICKETS.

I AM A NOBODY AND NOBODY IS PERFECT THEREFORE I AM PERFECT.

RULE # 3: MY WIFE DECLARES YOU ARE A HOARDER IF:

You accept something new without getting rid of something you already have.
Your clothes closet has more than 3 ties you wore in 1960.
Your storage locker contains 3 sets of golf clubs, none of which have wooden shafts.
You are over 50 and still collect sports cards.
You still have your old high school athletic jacket.
Your sweater collection outnumbers your underwear.
You still have textbooks from grade 9.
You have more than 200 socks none of which are a matching

pair.