THIS FROM JOHN CLEESE; BLOG NUMBER 97 SEPTEMBER 20, 2013

WORLD REACTION TO THE CRISIS IN SYRIA--ACCORDING TO JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." 

CHARLES, I AM AWARE THAT YOU ARE PEEVED. THEREFORE WILL YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU ARE SMILING?

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." 

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. 

LEAD ON McDUFF AND KEEP ON PIPING!

This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." 

MERDE!

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The Italians  have increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." 

WE'RE LOVERS NOT FIGHTERS. WHEN I SING THE WORLD LISTENS. EXCEPT FOR THOSE DAMN SYRIANS.

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." 

WHAT DO I CARE? I'M DEAD. IZ NEIN IMPORTANZ!

They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. 

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Australians, meanwhile, have raised the security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." 

KEEP YER HEAD DOWN JOEY, THE SYRIANS ARE COMIN'

Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." 

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

QUESTION:   'Do you want fries with that?'--John Cleese

QUOTE:  "If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?" -John Cleese

LAURELS TO:    

JOHN CLEESE, for making the world laugh..... and laugh...... and laugh.

CLIP:

Don't try this at home!