SOME ARDENT JOGGERS ACROSS THE LAND
BRITISH COLUMBIA
 Premier Christie Clark of B.C. is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Premier's dog, then bites the Premier. The Premier starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes she should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. She calls animal control. Her dog dies. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the Province $200 testing it for diseases $500 for relocating it. The Premier goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting her bite wound bandaged. She gives the dog a $5000 burial paid for by the Province. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish and Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals. The Premier spends $50,000 in Provincial funds implementing a "Coyote Awareness Program" for residents of the area. The Provincial Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world. The Premier's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The Province spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the Province. ALBERTA 
Premier
Alison Redford is jogging with her dog along a nature trail.
A Coyote jumps out
and attacks the dog.
The Premier's security agent shoots the coyote and
continues jogging. The Premier has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point
cartridge.
The crows eat the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why B.C. is
broke and Alberta is not.
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Premier Pauline Marois is jogging with her French
Poodle in Chicoutimi. La Belle Province has closed all nature trails in order
to protect them from the human footprint so she is forced to jog in Jean
Chretien’s back yard. Jean jumps out of
de-ouse and before he can say “Hey you are tress-pas-sing;” Pauline gives him a
big kiss on the lips. Her poodle poops and Jean steps in it. She files suit
against the former PM for harassment and is awarded $1 million dollars by a
separatist judge. She graciously pledges the entire award to Medicare in Quebec.
Of course Chretien has a benefits retirement program and the Federal Government
writes a cheque to Pauline for the amount of the award.
ONTARIO
Former Premier McGuinty is out jogging with his
Irish Setter. All the nature trails have been converted to Wind Farms so he is
forced to jog around the cancelled site of the Oakville Gas Plant. His Setter
spies a coyote and takes off after it with Dalton in tow. The chase is on and
soon the dog runs McGuinty headlong into a tree. He wakes up in a Hospital and is
forced to agree to move the gas plant from Oakville to Napanee before the
doctors will re-attach his brain. He was heard to mutter: “That will teach them
to plant trees in Oakville.” His decision cost Ontario taxpayers Billions.
NOVA SCOTIA
NDP premier Darrell Dexter is out jogging with his
Scottish Terrier on the Cabot Trail. The dog gets tired so Darrell picks him up
and continues on his 40 km uphill jog. Half way up a steep incline he
encounters some unemployed miners, fishermen and paper mill workers sitting on
an abandoned hay wagon. He stops to get a few extra votes and writes each of
them a cheque for $1000 payable by the Province. Some grumble that they have no
way home so the Premier picks up the tongue of the wagon and starts hauling it
with one hand with the dog still occupying the other. The Premier and his
entourage finally make it to the Lodge at Ingonish where Darrell collapses from
exhaustion. The Lodge manager offers work to all the unemployed but they refuse
it since they get more money from Employment Insurance and the Province.
NEWFOUNDLAND LABRADOR
Kathy Dunderdale was out jogging with her Black Lab
when she ran into then Premier Danny Williams. The Lab cornered Williams and
kept shaking his pant leg until he had signed a letter of resignation. The rest
is well-known history.
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
LIzzie May was out jogging. She didn’t have a dog ‘cause they poop a
lot. One poop shooter in the family is
enough. Lizzie got dizzy, turned green and tripped, falling flat on her butt…..
End of story.
SASKATCHEWAN
Brad Wall, Premier of Sakatchewan, was out jogging
with his German Shepherd and his brothers Brick & Stone and sister Dolly along one of the Provinces many flat nature trails
when he ran into Gordie Howe. He asked ‘Mr. Hockey’ for an autograph and his
background info. Wall learned that
Gordie was born in Floral Saskatchewan on March 31 1928. He was one of 9
children. When he was 9 DAYS old, his parents Ab and Katherine moved from their
rural farm in the unincorporated farming community on the Floral Road into the
city of Saskatoon. This is where Gordie grew and developed into a great hockey
player. He later sold this information to an Ontario Superior Court Justice for
the sum of $10,000; which Wall donated to Saskatchewan’s Provincial coffers. Recent efforts have been made by the Ontario
Justice to bury this info for the purpose of protecting his investment.
QUOTE: “Be careful the environment
you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you
will become like them.” – CLEMENT STONE
LAURELS
TO:
THE HONORABLE DENNIS R. O’CONNOR,
ASSOCIATE CHIEF JUSTICE OF
ONTARIO FOR HIS OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTIONS TO JURISPRUDENCE AND HIS DEDICATED
SERVICE TO THE PROVINCE OF ONTARIO. HE IS A RESPECTED COLLEAGUE AND LEADER IN
THE COURT OF APPEALS FOR ONTARIO.
CLIP:
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