SOME THOUGHTS ON LIVING AND DYING; BLOG NUMBER 92; AUGUST 16, 2013

ON LIVING:

HUMAN HABITS

Human beings have a primitive need to belong. They also need to account for their origin. They form tribes, join groups and establish physical boundaries. People are born into families that are are more diverse than the number of countries on planet Earth. People migrate, emigrate, populate, dictate, subjugate and cultivate.  They either feel a sense of comfort and belonging in their group or they leave to join another group or form a new one in a new territory. Each group or tribe has its own system of command and control. Each has its own language, culture and customs. Each demands conformity. They develop armed units to protect them from outsiders  or to conquer others. They develop a myriad of organizations to direct their internal activities.

CAUSES

Every human being needs a cause. Everyone is an advocate for an issue about which they feel strongly; even if it is not immediately self evident. Many do not publicize their cause while some do not hesitate in forming groups of like-minded thinkers to sway others and unite them to their cause. 

My own cause, of which I am totally aware, is to use my humble collection of things learned or experienced to rant. I imagine that my rantings are read by millions of people around the world who say to themselves," Yes, I see that and I agree". Or "My god, what is he thinking?" Or "Yo dawg, we gon mak em sang!" My wife cringes, my kids chuckle, my grandkids laugh out loud. My friends just shake their heads.  

THE INFLUENCE OF A HOME

The heart is much like a home. It is always better on the inside. Some houses are a void until a family makes it a home; homes are never empty. A child growing up in a 'house' can indeed be deprived of substance and opportunity. One growing up in a home, filled with love and nurture, learns to be confident, and honest. He or she is capable of trusting and knows the value of being trusted. He or she benefits from solid parenting, family interaction and ethical role models.  


THE SOCIAL MEDIA

I will eventually give up on Twitter. It restricts me to

too few words. It is difficult to carry on a full-fledged rant if your thought processes are constantly interrupted by that annoying coloured background announcing that you have exceeded the limit of characters.

It is a huge task to contemplate and then list the myriad of causes that humans adopt. Many enlist the aid of religion to explain the unexplainable or to account for their origin or their purpose in life. 

The world is replete with missionaries, healers of the soul and swayers of the mind, who try to influence the way of life of the uneducated, the poor, the downtrodden, the non-believers, the unsuspecting, or the exploited. 


A particular cause that irritates me are those environmental
extremists who believe that man is so significant that he can control the way planet Earth operates. But then I think, "Hey it's all  right. That cause is relatively harmless. Better they band together over climate change than boundary disputes, or religious conflict." 



GOALS PLANS AND OBJECTIVES

Humans, in order to maximize their happiness, need to set goals. Where do I want to be in five years? Goals are influenced by early childhood experiences, role models, education, values and imagination. In order to reach a goal it is necessary to have a plan. One that clearly marks the steps toward achieving a goal. Objectives are short term targets that assist one in staying on the planned course.

Example: Consider A teenager entering high school.

THE GOAL: A successful Post Secondary Education.

THE PLAN: 

• I will Choose courses in High School that will lead to the goal.
• I will conduct a periodic review of the long-term goal to be sure it is desirable and realistic.
• I will seek expert help in reviewing the goal from parents, teachers and role models.
• I will explore careers that interest me.
• I will know what my values are.
• I will create a new goal in 5 years.

OBJECTIVES:

• I will read books, complete assignments in a timely manner and develop good study habits.
• I will get involved in extra-curricular activities to  enjoy them and achieve a well-rounded social development.
• I will be true to my values each day in every situation.
• My values will be reflected in my actions
• I will choose my friends carefully.
• I will evaluate my performance each night before falling asleep.

BARRIERS TO GOALS , PLANS AND OBJECTIVES

It is important to eliminate or minimize thoughts and activities that are distractions to a goal. One must be determined to stick to the plan. This can be very challenging to individuals since our lives are often troubled by situations that are highly emotional or difficult to accept. Some appear to be attractive but are false leads. Other events can be over- powering to the spirit and result in a lack of perseverance.

They may include one of the following or some not listed here: 

• Family issues- Parental divorce, financial difficulties etc. 
• Falling in love- A common misconception that can be devastating. 
• Black swans. Terrible events that occur unexpectedly and cannot be foreseen.
• White swans. Happy events that occur unexpectedly and cannot be foreseen.

Human beings often discover meaning in their existence through the lives of others who have passed on. These may be a famous person, a childhood idol, a teacher, a family member or some other person who has touched their life. One thing is certain. Much can be learned by examining the lives of those whose experiences are valuable lessons for the living.

ON DYING:

The following is taken from: "The Top Five Regrets of The Dying." Written by a Palliative Care Nurse. - Bronnie Ware.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. 

QUESTION: 

Have you ever experienced a 'Black Swan' and if yes, how did you handle it?

QUOTE:

"Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."
-Bronnie Ware, Palliative Care Nurse.


LAURELS TO:

A LIFE WELL-LIVED, Harry Truman

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them. When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

CLIP: