THE SECOND COMING OF NOAH

In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah,

who was now living in America and said:

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another  Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans (Jack Nicholson TOO)."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:

"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will Start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah  Weeping in his yard - but no  Ark."Noah!," He roared,  "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah,  "but things have changed." I NEED A BUILDING PERMIT THE MUNICIPALITY SAID I HAD TO GO TO THE PLANNING COMMITTEE FOR APPROVAL! My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. Then the local Council and the Electricity Company demanded  a shed load of money for the future costs of moving powerlines  and other overhead obstructions, to clear thepassage for the   Ark's move to the sea.  I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was holding wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the  Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm Supposed to hire for my building crew. The Immigration Dept. Is checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work. The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I must hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience I AN SORRY LORD BUT IT'S GOING TO TAKE 10 YEARS OR MORE TO COMPLETE THE ARK THIS TIME Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, And a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up and asked: "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" The Lord replied: "No, the Liberals beat me to it!"